Think THINK Think Slogan

Think THINK Think has been a very important Slogan to me through the years. It has meant a great many things; for me, It meant/means to consider every side of an idea or argument.

It translated into or meant that I attended very 1) liberal churches and 2) conservative churches, as well as 3) moderate churches.

It helped me to learn a deeper sense of Acceptance. too. I attended an Atheist meeting for a year or 18 months, so as to hear every point of view that I am opposed to and to find great peace with said ideas, no matter what I hear (I still fail at this sometimes, but have improved greatly...lol!). It's related to the love and tolerance of others, and working these principles in all of our affairs.

Saying I LOVE YOU when it is hard, even when standing in front of a mirror of someone else's discontentedness.

But here is some more of what Think THINK Think means to me in some JPEGS I created:

Freedom and Acceptance of Differences

I know I've been saying this like forever, but I am going to say it again. People gotta wake up and realize that if they don't know both sides of an argument or the position that they hold, then they don't know their own side of an argument. Listening to other points of view is a form of love and service to humanity. Everyone’s VOICE being honored does not mean being subjugated and swallowed whole by their fervently defended beliefs. As Nietzsche is often quoted, what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger, right?

Similarly, if you will suppress or censor one point of view, forcefully take away their freedom of speech or expression, then you kick open the door to YOUR freedom of speech and expression being censored as well.

Personally, I don't have any interest in legal redress if Facebook Twitter, or any other business chooses to wash down or censor my or anyone else's freedom to express opinions of any variety. The government already has way too much power, and if we try to use the government to protect us from Facebook, who is going to protect us from the government? If you take Facebook's freedom of expression away, you take away everyone's freedom of expression. Freedom of speech is only necessary when trying to restrict someone's speech that we really don't want to hear. Who passes laws against something that we like or are in support of? Laws are passed against things we don't like, object to, or pertaining to things that we are afraid of.

But freedom of speech is more than just a legal matter, it's an actual constitutional issue. No law should be made to restrict freedom of speech or freedom of expression, especially opinions that dissent from the majority opinion. My opinion almost everywhere I have ever gone has been what could be characterized as The Minority Opinion.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

It seems to me that there is been times where I've been demonized for my point of view. It annoys me when I see somebody's point of view treated hostilely and without even giving it a chance of being argued about logically and with patience and compassion, which is not to be confused with agreeing with that point of view personally, I tend to subscribe to the idea of holding principles above personalities.

In chess, I played the board, not the man. But unfortunately, there are a lot of petty psychodrama queens out there who played a man and not the board and replace their lack of skill with moving the pieces and replacing it with psychological game playing. They tried to distract their opponent, rather than just play the game. Unfortunately, people do this in political arenas as well.

While on the one hand I respect every aspect of tribalism that one may be interested in, but to impose 'harmonic' tribalism on others is to engage in a cultlike behavior. Someone may try to paint the behavior as a friendly face as if they are imposing harmony for the greater good, or forcing solutions because they know better than anyone else what needs to be done in any given situation. But shutting down a conversation about belief systems where our common resources are coming into play, as in the case of political arenas, everyone has a right to say where their tax monies will be represented.

But instead, people are engaging in mindless gang warfare, and behaving like rabid animals. It seems like the seething resentments are boiling over the pot, but the people tending the fire are brainwashed, narcissistic megalomaniacs. But even they have a right to freedom of speech and expression, as long as it doesn't harm someone against their will on righteously. If someone wants to harm themselves, there should be no need to force them into self-care. But obviously, free and compassionate people will find a way to help that person. We don't have to govern-mentally administer an anti-suicide program geared only for saving the lives of those whom we deem politically correct.

Listening to Know Thyself (a video I created on YouTube).

Nietzsche

I have not trimmed my beard, tried to look good, or any other such nonsense. It’s one of those days. I just returned from a trip up north and heard someone say in our group of friends meeting by the Big Lake, that they were glad to be around like-minded people. It occurred to me that being around others that think like me would become quickly tedious, and would be of little more value than being around people who look like me. Geez, the world is addicted to judgment. Have the courage to question your convictions, and watch how you grow. The link to my video is below. Thank you for being willing to listen.

https://youtu.be/ec6Q7c4tEt4

Mishle 28:21 Orthodox Jewish Bible (Proverbs)

What I've been trippin' on today:

Ask a lawyer what "thou shalt not lie" means. Good luck getting a straight answer out of anyone ensconced in the system regarding legal matters and personal consequences. This pertains to cops, judges, jurors, those arrested or those who might be arrested, etc. Almost everybody lies these days, it seems, like ‘CYA’ is a sacred duty or something.

Ironically, everybody believes everybody lies, so everybody who loves politics spins their wheels in a pig trough and sprays the fecal (lie) matter at people they deem as an enemy of some variety or other (Marxist/racist or whatever). Smudge, Don’t Grudge’ is a useful Slogan.

OK, back to the issue. Also, ask a lawyer what "Love your enemy" means or what the Sermon on the Mount means. From the looks of things these days, the media that protects the system swine, put money above everything. FOLLOW THE MONEY is hoe (how) people supposedly get to the bottom of corruption but rarely follow the truth when there's no profit ratio in it (Prophet Ratio...lol).

““To show partiality is not tov; for a piece of lechem that gever will transgress.””

— Quote Source: Mishle 28:21 Orthodox Jewish Bible

Money follows power and vice-versa. Jimi Hendrix talked about the power of love versus the love of power. So have a great many people through the millennia taught love and forgiveness. Respecters of Persons will sell out their principles in a heartbeat. Examples: Lying to convict a liar, hating to destroy a hater, and many other types of hypocrites abound.

There are many great people out there and probably many of the hypocrites actually mean well. But what about the people who are afraid to speak up or ‘gave up trying’ a long time ago because it's just not worth it to fight fighters. Some are accused of being weak when they say, “Goodbye, cruel world.” Some people are too gentle to live among The Bad Wolves.

Kid Rock said to ‘get in the pit and try to love someone’. Most people won't even lift a finger or put down the remote long enough to read a POV that differs from their own. The USA is pathetic in this way. Lazy moralizers and rabid adrenalin junkie/haters are guarding the henhouse. But there is hope. We can get out of the mess we got ourselves into, but Einstein said it can’t be done with the same mind that got USD there. Spiritual Experiences happen through humility, but pride precedes the fall.

Painting the Future (one of my favorite movies)

https://youtu.be/Y8QwXZh93_M

4/15/2016 Submission to OWN.

I wrote the following Submission on April 15, 2016, for OWN. The response? Crickets. I also reached out from time to time since 92 or so, to OWN. I have also reached out to KTIS and other Christian organizations, usually to no avail. I’m on God’s Path and can’t complain about the quality of my life or Sacred Path in the slightest. People that never give up occasionally get traction, so we’ll see where it goes.

Here’s the Submission I sent to OWN (I would do a better job if I reached out again, but I actually don’t trust OWN anymore. They seem to have been swallowed up by big media and the money therein is not to be shared with the likes of me, apparently:

”My last crime was robbing a store (2nd Degree Robbery with a knife) in June 1985. My other major offense (August 1977) was stealing a car after stealing from a store, resulting in my hitting a pedestrian and running over her baby in a stroller, killing him. I knew the police were looking for me (but not in visual pursuit) and I certainly wanted to get away before being found. I was also under the influence of alcohol. I plead guilty to Manslaughter with culpable negligence. Other crimes, both as an adult and as a minor, were Unauthorized Use of a Motor Vehicle. I now speak for MADD to stop alcohol-impaired driving. I also talk to a wide variety of offenders to keep them from making decisions that might harm them or others. I also talk about forgiving oneself, no easy task, but accomplished in great part (sometimes I struggle, but I no longer am suicidal).

I work for a company helping offenders on probation to secure employment or housing. Ironically, I am myself limited to low-paying positions, and find myself living paycheck to paycheck. I'm 59 and if I don't turn it around, I will die in poverty and have nothing in this world to show. I feel my emotional & spiritual life is a success in many ways, but as the saying goes, if it took a nickel to get around the world, I couldn't get around the block. I have been speaking publicly for 25-years and hope to make a living from speaking, but no one wants to pay me. They are happy to take my services for free and I am glad to help, but I feel devalued & disrespected.

As for family, it is just a word. I have siblings and relatives but I feel little connection to them, as I was in foster care, group homes, and pretty much "State Raised". I consider AA my family, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by saying that in front of relatives.

I am working on writing books but get depressed with every contact of judgment and rejection by others. I feel trapped by my emotions and reactions to what others think of me.

I am now friends with Sherrie, the mother of the child I killed, as she has forgiven me. It took years for her to get there and maybe would have never done so, were it not for her daughter driving under the influence and crashing, causing minor injuries to others. Sherrie realized her daughter could have killed someone and she reevaluated her lack of feelings of forgiveness and reached out to me.”

Boundaries in Relationships (recovery based) and the Gifts of Criticism

The things that BEST helped my personal life of alcoholic recovery (and speeches about DWI’s wherein the central focus is in encouraging sober driving, forgiveness, and love) were the Gifts of Criticism for which I will be ever grateful. I gave audiences comment sheets and read every single one personally, appreciating those that praised us as speakers. Still, mostly I was like the proverbial 'duck on a June Bug' on the critical reviews. Most of the so-called negative comments were constructive criticisms at worst, but the scathing or mean ones helped me the most. Not in vain, I read those sheets after every speech for at least ten years. I had at least (probably) a hundred pounds of comment sheets, but eventually, I put most of them in a dumpster as I had no more room for storage.

There's no universal utility in others holding us accountable. We have to hold ourselves accountable. Others should just be honest about how our behaviors affect them. My Sponsor said over and over again in my difficult marriage, "You're not her problem. She's addicted to misery." My Sponsor ALSO said when I complained about her, "I don't wanna hear any of that 'he said/she said shit!” Sorry for the s-word, but that's what she said. LOL!

AFG helped me stay on my side of the street. Accepting Sponsorship in my life helped save my life. So many cool memories to look back on today, but some of them didn’t feel so cool when it was going down. After an AFG meeting in Maplewood, I recall complaining to a friend about my Ex. I went Al-A on and on and on for maybe 15 minutes. After I emptied my hot air balloon, she said, "OK, so what's YOUR part in it?" I literally laughed out loud in irony and said something along the lines of a sheepish, 'Ah, shucks!'. I got busted out, but I (me) had to see it, and that became possible through her question and not a sledgehammer of ‘truth’. Yes, the truth shall set us free, yet truth without compassion is cruelty.

List of Books I Read During the Dark Night of the Soul

Welcome to what happened along my Sacred Path, the DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. Literally, I doubt anyone who has been through it has the words, written or spoken, to accurately describe such a journey. If a description could be had, no one would have to experience it, because that would mean it’s a theory or something. As the saying goes, spiritual life is not a theory.

I list the books that impacted my life during this difficult period of my life. They are not chronically listed. The ones that had the greatest impact on my Soul will have an asterisk before the caption beneath each book.

​*I listened to this audiobook dozens of times. It helped me survive more than any other single work. God is Good! Thank you, Caroline Myss, for helping save my life! ​

​Kings die. "Abner is not far from any one of us. We share an Abner-nature that harbors sin’s stupidity, perversity, and twistedness. Let Abner preach to you. Let him tell you that it is possible to know the truth but not embrace the truth, to quote the truth but not submit to the truth, to hold the truth, and yet assault the truth. And so Abner joins all the other antichrists who strut around and say, ‘I will be king’ (1 Kings 1:5)."

— Dale Ralph Davis (2 Samuel: Out of Every Adversity)​

A person need not be in recovery to find utility in this book. I have loved poetry since I was a young person. I learned that only 5% of Americans say they like poetry, but I doubt it’s true, because people like music with good lyrics.

A penetrating book that helped me strip away everything that I Am not. It took 3 1/2 years to read, because I was living/dying in every word of it. This and Spiritual Madness by Carolyn helped the most. I guess *‘A Grief Observed’ was 'up there’ too.

As Neitchzie reflected, a person should never shrink from staring into the abyss and finding it staring back. I left no moral argument for or against suicide unexamined. Wasn’t it Socrates that said that the unexamined life is not worth living? Ironically, by standing by his beliefs he committed himself to his own legal death. Didn’t Jesus do the same, in a manner? He could have run away or begged a metaphorical rich Hollywood Elitist to have his life spared. Jesus healed the ear of the soldier that came for him. What I’m pointing out here is that they had a choice, but allowed or chose death, which is arguably a form of suicide.

It is certainly a quiet place, this Dark Night business.

Sometimes I felt like I was God's Debris, humorously speaking and felt the spiritual sparkles of sprinkled satire falling from heaven with jovial irony.

*A Sacred Dance is Grief. This book gained within me a deep respect for Melody Beattie. I worked with her brother Charlie in sobriety and was in treatment with another of her brothers Jim as a young person. IMO, this book was better than Codependent No More, at least for me (I say that because Codependent No More was excellent). My years in MADD 'forced a journey', to be sure, as did the Dark Night. Judy Collins walked a similar road.

*My favorite C.S. Lewis book. It was wonderful to see someone who was purported as spiritually evolved in Christian Circles admit he questioned everything, even God, due to Grief. My favorite C.S. Lewis book.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”

I received this book when I first started speaking for MADD as a gift of grief.

For anyone who has experienced a significant loss, this wonderfully informative and accessible book is a guide to understanding and overcoming grief.

The death of someone close -- a family member, spouse, or partner -- can result in feelings of overwhelming grief. At the same time, society unrealistically expects people to recover from grief as quickly as possible. I Can't Stop Crying looks at grieving as a painful but necessary process. The authors emphasize the importance of giving permission to grieve and suggest steps for rebuilding life without the one who is gone. They also look at how such a loss affects relationships with family and friends, as well as lifestyle, work habits, and hopes for the future. The book includes an appendix with bereavement groups, resources, and other self-help organizations for grievers.

'Aint't it the truth' poetry.

Life Forces a Journey is a unique collection of poetry that expresses the raw, moving emotions of the author as she struggles with what life presents her. From death and depression to hope and healing, Disch chronicles a journey that is at once difficult and restoring. Within its pages, readers will find accessible, authentic, straight-from-the-soul poetry that has helped Disch heal from her own pain, and may prove useful to others as well.

We can fill our coffins with the rocks they have thrown, (we can write poetry). or we can build our castles with the sticks and the stones.

Another book I got when I first joined MADD, gifted by Sharon Berg who became a dear friend and still is. She was the MADD Victim Advocate for Ramsey/Washington County in Minnesota. I was VP of the Chapter before they changed the policy and made it taboo to allow “Offenders” be in leadership roles. Reminds me of, “I wouldn’t be a member of a club that would have me as a member.” My Path is Sacred. All parts of it. I’m not ‘offended.’

Waking up is a motherfucker.

Figured I better read it before the month expired.

For a Kierkegaard book, it's an easy read. Most of his books are not easy to read IMO.

"In eternity it will be asked whether you may not have damaged a good thing, in order that you also might judge with them that did not know how to judge, but who possessed the crowd's strength, which in the temporal sense is significant, but to which eternity is wholly indifferent."
— Søren Kierkegaard (Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing: Spiritual Preparation for the Office of Confession)

“A loved one suffered from Bi-Polar and this helped me understand 'me' in ways I didn't quite grasp. Thought I bought it to understand 'others'. Ironic & inspirational.

During this difficult period of my life and every difficulty preceding it, I chose to FEEL ALL OF MY FEELINGS. I was not depressed. The Dark Night might have depression accompany it, but they are two different things. Testing the entire depth and breadth of one's soul means missing nothing.

In the book An Unquiet Mind, I asked questions of myself and contemplated those trials and tribulations of those whom I knew suffered from Bi-Polar. Here's a couple of quotes from that book:

"Which of my feelings are real? Which of the me's is me? The wild, impulsive, chaotic, energetic, and crazy one? Or the shy, withdrawn, desperate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one? Probably a bit of both, hopefully, much that is neither."

"If I can't feel, if I can't move, if I can't think, and I can't care, then what conceivable point is there in living?" — Kay Redfield Jamison (An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness)

One finds out who one's friends are when the stuff hits the fan. Poetic irony.

*This brought beauty and peace to suffering for me. The beautiful Mystery of Grief.

Transforming Grief, indeed.

I threw away 8-10 years of journals. Hundreds of pounds of writing. What a moron. It's about the only regret I have in life.

*A fantastic, brilliant mind was Teresa. A hard read for me, but nuggets of gold were therein.

"Union is as if in a room there were two large windows through which the light streamed in it enters in different places but it all becomes one. " — Teresa of Ávila (Interior Castle)

Here’s a quote: The Interior Castle is about what we are at our deepest places. Here's a quote not from her book, but from someone else who sums it up well, indirectly: “Knowledge of what you love somehow comes to you; you don’t have to read nor analyze nor study. If you love a thing enough, knowledge of it seeps into you, with particulars more real than any chart can furnish.” — Jessamyn West

“If a poem hasn't ripped apart your soul; you haven't experienced poetry.” Edgar Allan Poe

This poem, Phoenix, was written about The (my) Dark Night of the Soul. It took three & 1/2 years to write. For the first 2 1/2 years, I wanted to kill myself every day, all day. The last year I only wanted to kill myself 2 or 3 times a day, generally. The original title of the poem was BROKEN, but after 3 1/2 years, I renamed it PHOENIX and added the last Stanza.

While going through the Dark Night of the Soul, I learned that different depths of grief have different tastes on the back of the tongue (tears have taste). I don't care if it sounds crazy, but it's true. I would have NEVER guessed this in a hundred years, but the experience is a Great Master. (Photography by Rose-Lynn Fisher http://rose-lynnfisher.com/tears.html...)

“Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that's the one that is going to require the most from you.” ― Caroline Myss

A Story and Insight on Steps 3-7.

Yesterday, I heard a man tell a story about his mother who was on morphine and in great physical pain with not much time left on Earth School. She couldn't take more morphine for a couple more hours. He loved her so much and anguished terribly that she was in such pain, so he started praying out loud to God that her pain would be immediately removed.

Her answer to her son's prayer was instant and without contemplation, for she had learned in her long years to turn her will and her life over to the care of God (as she understood God). She said, "It is not up to you or anyone else, whether this pain will go away or not. It is up to God"

This story, because I'm in the 12-Step Program, reminds me of Step 6, which is incidentally my favorite Step. Anyway, if I have asked God to remove my pain, or my defects of character, or anything else for that matter in my emotional or mental life, and the things I asked removal of still remain...I remember that they belong to my HP and not me. If they are not taken away, that's God's business, not mine, and I practice acceptance around it. Maybe the defects remain for a reason I can never fathom. Maybe they remain as the only way to create humility in my dumbass. That or, maybe a future lesson is waiting in perfect timing to help someone else at the hour when it is removed. Remember this part of that certain prayer? 'Take away my defects of character'...because it might help someone else ('those I might help')?

…I had a thinking problem, and drinking was just a symptom.

For me, Step 3 is about total trust. 4& 5 is about identifying what parts of myself are blocking me from embracing full Love & Acceptance, 'life on life's terms' sort of a thing. I lance the boil in my heart & mind with the help of my HP, and Sponsor in Step 5, then leave the disinfecting process and timing up to God in 6.