Karma, Intent (form and substance) in Truth & Consequences, and Bently's Law.

Japanese Symbol for Karma

In Ancient Japan, it used to be expected that if someone was saved while trying to commit suicide, and the person who wanted to commit suicide later wrongly killed someone, then the person who saved the suicidal person would also be held responsible for the wrongful death. The ‘Karma’ of the persons becoming intertwined was the idea.

If the wrongful death was murder and the penalty is death, would it be right to also impose the death penalty on the person who saved the murderer’s life? Intentions might have seemed reasonable, but like in Bentley’s Law (see below), what if the penalty harms the innocent?

PUNISHING THE MANY FOR THE CRIME OF THE FEW?

If the DWI Offender that causes a death has to pay for child support to the deceased parent’s living children, but such a penalty makes paying for one’s own family suffer inordinately, then what? Practicality? Who will be able to pay for such a penalty? Won’t it also cause more grief for the family raising the children? Predictably, they would have to file a lawsuit to make the person pay child support.

Beginning September 1, 2023, anyone convicted of intoxication manslaughter in Texas will be required to pay monthly child support if they caused a crash that resulted in the death of a parent with minor children. The new law – passed in the 88th Texas legislative session as House Bill 393: “Mandatory Restitution for Child of Victim of Intoxication.”

This statute states that:

• The court shall order a defendant convicted of intoxication manslaughter to pay monthly restitution for a child whose parent or guardian was killed until the child reaches age 18 or has graduated from high school, whichever is later.

• The defendant is not required to pay restitution to an individual who is 19 years or older.

• The court shall determine the amount of restitution based on what is reasonable and necessary to support the child after considering all relevant factors including:

• the financial needs and resources of the child; the surviving parent or guardian or other current guardian of the child or, if applicable, the financial resources of the state if the Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) has been appointed as a temporary or permanent managing conservator of the child; the standard of living to which the child is accustomed; the physical and emotional condition of the child and his or her educational needs; the child’s physical and legal custody arrangments; the reasonable work-related child care expenses of the surviving parent or guardian or other current guardian if applicable; and the financial resources of the defendant.

• If the defendant is unable to pay due to incarceration, he or she shall begin payments within one year of being released in a payment plan agreed by the court. The state has the authority to remit these payments.

BENTLEY’S LAW: THE LEGISLATIVE INTENT

Texas’ new child support intoxication manslaughter law is also referred to as “Bentley’s Law.” Like a lot of legislation, it stemmed out of a tragedy, which attracted nationwide attention. On April 13, 2021, a mother, father, and their 4-year-old son were killed in a drunk driving fatality in Missouri. They left behind two other sons, Bentley and Mason, who went to live with their grandmother, Cecilia Williams.

Over the next two years, the grandmother advocated for a law that would mandate drunk drivers, when convicted of causing the death of a parent, to provide child support to the surviving underage children.

In 2022, Tennessee became the first state to pass “Bentley’s Law.” Since then, more than a dozen states have introduced “Bentley’s Law” or are drafting this legislation.

“In my opinion…today…” is lawmakers’ effort to secure votes and help the victims of crime. Flawed reasoning is frequently masked by good intentions. ‘The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions’ Although we often use this expression to mean that good intentions can lead to negative consequences, others interpret that good intentions are worthless unless followed up with action. What good is ‘karma’ or Bentley’s Law if the person is unable to pay and the ripple effect therefrom devalues the lives of the innocent? Are the children guilty of the crimes (or Biblical ‘sins’ reflected in Exodus 20:5) of the parents?

I can see consequences for the offender, but what if the offender CAN pay child support but loses his job because lawmakers say he CAN’T own this type of business due to his DWI (transportation industry)? What if his company employs 500 people and barely makes ends meet? Should they all go job hunting over his DWI conviction?

Life is messy, while most truths are simple. Passing a law for everything makes our lives feel crazy, or the laws are coming from our crazy pain and the inability to sort it all out. We need to be extremely careful about what laws we pass, but unfortunately, the reverse seems to be the case.

I pieced together this collage of Tacitus quotes for a time of silence circumspection for you. Unsurprisingly, someone in power talks about power; but I also like the Jimi Hendrix quote conjoined to the Biblical Scripture.

Remembering Little Timmy, Letting Go & Letting God

It’s been quite a while since I posted here, but today being an important anniversary in my life and the lives of others, now’s the time. First, consider the following words and concepts (see below).

In God’s Economy, nothing is wasted. When I quit ‘getting wasted’, my life started to be of service to my fellow (through surrendering my will and life to the care of God). God does care.

Let Go, Let God. Sojourners Arise in Humor

On Sunday, 5:55 P.M., 8/19/90, I stood poised and ready to recoil from a decision I made to hit a meeting for the first time as a Surrendered Alcoholic; I nervously stood at the bottom stair of ‘The Club’, fearfully contemplating, teetering really on the balance of that decision. About 14 and 1/2 hours earlier, something big happened in my life. I actually got honest with myself about being powerless over alcohol. Prior to that, I was basically playing God, and God ain’t powerless over anything other than our freedom.

After 1) admitting I was an Alcoholic, and 2) believing God could and would restore me to my original self (restore me to sanity), and 3) surrendering my will and my life to the care of God and recovery at 3:30 A.M., I was still amidst of my alcoholic puke-fest (a promo for the Exorcist movie in my apartment), I told myself I would find and go to a meeting and work on my new sober life. I meant it.

Art by Recovery Jones

But there I was, at risk of backpedaling out of my first 12-Step meeting and commitment. On the plains of this hesitation, had it not been for the serious round of laughter I heard flooding from the windows of the Alano Club in Stillwater, I would have been too ashamed to start my journey in the Fellowship of Recovery. I can hardly express the importance and gratitude that laughter has had in my life. For me, it was like God set the stage for me to actually face my fears. The laughter attracted me. A sense of humor was the liberty bell of my newfound promise of freedom.

Humor is serious business. Comedy Detention

I guess it’s time for truth in humor. A wry sense of humor, perhaps. In “Jeff” the Missouri Un-Penitent-iary, I remember when a fellow I knew and liked, even respected for his level-headed wisdom, was paroled. I was happy for him. Prior to prison, he had a career in Minor League baseball and expressed high hopes to pursue his future in baseball with a fresh start on life. A couple of months later, sadly, he was back in prison. He sheepishly admitted he screwed up and broke the law again (doing what, he didn’t say; one of the rules I lived by in prison was to NOT ask questions about such things). Another friend taught me to follow the “I don’t know anything and I don’t want to know anything” principle. By so following, no one can label you a rat (snitch) if you don’t know anything. MYOB. Mind Your Own Business. Great survival tool. ‘Snitches get stiches’ and often end up dead (or worse).

Anyway, my baseball friend said, “Laugh to keep from crying” and he meant it. Laughter is one of the only things “The Man can’t take from you. No matter how bad it gets, being willing to laugh is a lifesaver. In prison as well as out here, follow the Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously rule. In recovery circles, we call it Rule 62. The backstory of Rule 62 is as follows:

Don’t Take Yourself Too Damn Seriously.

Humor in AA. The following story is described in the Alcoholics Anonymous book, titled, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (AKA, ‘the 12 & 12’). The backstory is that early in the history of AA, a group out in the environs (somewhere in the alcoholic Land of Oz), convinced their local town folks to finance a recovery/treatment/’AA’ facility. They desired to create an elaborate facility with space for medical treatment, residential recovery, and AA meetings. The local group responsible for setting all this up embarked on formatting rules as to how the place would be administered, who could be admitted, etc. And naturally, there was much disagreement over all this.

In a laborious effort to resolve their differences of opinion, they sent a copy of their 61 rules to the Central NY office of AA. The volunteers in NY had no idea how to run a large facility or what to say to this group about their rules. While they were discussing it, another message from the group was delivered saying simply: Rule 62, don’t take yourself so damn seriously. They had decided that the potential ego-driven rewards of running a big facility were not worth the risk of tearing their group apart.

This incident is used to illustrate the development of AA’s fourth tradition: ‘Each group should be autonomous…’

So now when someone in AA says, ‘Rule 62’ and wry smile is usually accompanying the intonation and people sometimes chuckle a wise ‘yeah, ain’t it the truth’and relax over whatever was the problem.

Good advice.

There are times to be serious, of course…just not TOO serious.

Here’s one really good reason I love the Fellowship of Recovery. “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” No one wanted anything from me other than for me to be happy, joyous, and free through recovery. And they could laugh at about anything. Here’s a few examples that ‘normal’ people might find odd:

F.E.A.R. - False Evidence Appearing Real (or the worst case scenario: 'F Everything And Run')

FEAR has many acronyms in the Recovery World, on which I would like to share some reflections on.

Let’s start with a fearless penning by Khalil Gibran Khalil (Jubrān Khalīl Jubrān) which to me addresses Step 3 & especially Step 11.

FEAR

It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to enter
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.

Khalil Gibran

2022 in Review and a Poem to Start 2023

Because some New Subscribers recently joined my List, I’m posting an interview with Hoard A. (sober 38 years) that we did on The Incomplete Skeptic, Sober Wise Guy Series. They joined just to hear this one, so it’s ‘Front & Center’. An anonymous gentleman is sober 38 years and shared his Story. Here’s the YouTube Link (click on it after reading this Blog Post, as it will send you to YouTube): Howard A.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

I started work on this Blog Post 12/20/22,.

I decided to post this one at years’ end and the new year beginning. Here’s wishes for 2023.

“I Am the New Year.

I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.

I am your next chance at the art of living.

I am your opportunity to practice what you have learned about life during the last twelve months.

All that you sought and didn't find is hidden in me, waiting for you to search it but with more determination.

All the good that you tried for and didn't achieve is mine to grant when you have fewer conflicting desires.

All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do, all that you hoped but did not will, all the faith that you claimed but did not have-these slumber lightly, waiting to be awakened by the touch of a strong purpose.

I am your opportunity to renew your allegiance to Him who said, "Behold, I make all things new."

Author Unknown

So what about 2022? I’ve heard the “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way” directive, but everything is in context, right? The rock band ‘Boston’ sang a song by that title, yes (great song, by the way). Boston DON'T LOOK BACK The 70’s mustaches and 80’s hair were wild, but times change. The hair cults seem to have stayed in the past. I think ‘looking back’ at our Original Selves’ as Children of God is a healthy paradigm. Most of us don’t remember where we came from, so we think ‘looking back’ is not about that. But remembering who we are and the good times we’ve experienced in life brings gratitude and refills our tanks for more mileage on our sacred path. ANYWAY…LOL…follows is a snapshot of a few personal thingies.

My Blogging is about many things, how I want to contribute to your life and help make life easier in some way. To touch hearts with gratitude. We should alal Blog or Journal to leave our footprint. Posterity, family and friends will ahve something to remember us by after we’re gone.

So, in context, here we go. It’s been has been an interesting year for this somewhat Happy Camper; yet in the Big Picture, no more or less interesting than any other year, perhaps? In God’s Economy, nothing is wasted. Like some Native American tribes, when they hunted buffaloo, they used every single part of it. That’s honorable. And the Talmud reads that we don’t see life as it is; we see life as we are.

I’d like to share with you a few things about how I’m speanding my life on ‘Earth School’ these days. If you are at all like me, which I think we are more alike than not, I am interested in the backstory of every human that I come into contact with. I suspect you are interested in me at some level, or you wouldn’t be reading this. So I’ll share some of my Back Story.

Cancer: still in remission. Hard to believe it even happened. Surreal. My life is not what it was, and the aftermath is challenging. But life is a challenge no matter what, if one is actually living. I am alive only because I have work left to do. I play a lot of online chess over the last month, as chess teached me to SLOW DOWN and THINK things through. Control my emotions. I love the game, for it’s like a SILENT LANGUAGE that my brain relaxes with. Chess is a Life Corrolary with many discipliones required for my daily life. I think every young persoin should learn to play.

Chris Berg “before” the crash.

Something I learned mainly from Chris Berg in MADD is to I start my day with GRATITUDE and offering a HAPPY HEART…prayer and/or conversations with God. She went through hell to get her life back after being hit by a drunk driver. If she could have a good attitude after such a tragedy, maybe I can heal from trauma, too. She starts each day thanking God for another day of living. Powerful healing work! Healing didn’t happen overnight for most of us, but she proved it could be done. We have been friends since 1991. She and her mom changed my life. I’m glad God opened the door of service for our fellow with my Story.

Mary Jo Robinson, RIP, thanks for the Call to Action in recovery. We are here to love and heal each other. Forgiveness is but one huge aspect of life’s meaning for me. This self-forgiveness took years for me, as you might know.

On another person venue, I was writing monthly recovery articles for a 12 Step Alano in 2022, titled, THE DRY SHEET. If you’re interested in reading them, here’s the link: https://www.rbaaa.org/blog

I also had an article appear in The Phoenix Spirit. Here’s that article link: Timothy's Article - Phoenix Spirit

I occasionally produced poetry on “AllPoetry”. I’ve been writing there for 21 years, but was also writing poetry when I was 12 years old.. Here’s the link for my page on AllPoetry: https://allpoetry.com/Timothy_Cameron

So as you can see, I write a bit. The labor of writing is substantive. Countless hours meditating about what words to use, going down Rabbit Holes for hours-on-end.

But I started playing online chess about a month ago. I experience (and teach) chess as a life discipline. Chess embodies intuitive disciplines for understanding, whether in relationships, conversation, employment, planning, assessing problems and solutions, or impulse control.

This is my side gig. The only effective teacher is the one who teaches the student how to beat the teacher. I can raise players to a B Class skill level (I was last rated as a B CLASS in the United States Chess Federation).

One day we're the teacher and the next, we're the student. After interacting with It's Your Move Academy, the day will come when you can kick your Trainers' butt, then join the USCF or FIDE, and quickly earn higher ratings.

If you want to analyze your tournament game with me after graduating from IYMA (It’s Your Move Academy), that's is an option. I rarely post on the Facebook Group, but here’s that link: It's Your Move Academy

In my public and private speaking world, it is/was as follows:

The Twin Cities Prison Ministry allows me to speak at their events. My being an EX-CON is a PLUS there! Mary Jo used to tell me that “MADD is your Ministry!” I seek to bring Love and Forgiveness to audiences.

I also met another Mary Jo Robinson in the Prison Ministry! We are friends and it feels like a real God Thing!

Hurting people sometimes hurt people, but HEALED people HEAL people! I believe God called me to this work. Here’s the TCPM Facebook page link: Twin Cities Prison Ministry While I am not Catholic, the Cathilics in my life taught me the most about forgiveness.

I continue to speak for the Hennepin County One Day Program for DWI offenders. I don’t like the term ‘offenerds’, as I think it tends to marginalize people into an ‘us/them’ box. ‘Those people’ is a Red Flag for me. People don’t mean ill by it, I’ve learned, but I personally try to avoid such lables. The 2023 contract has yet to be discussed, and I suspect I won’t be speaking there here forward. Not really sure.

The Wilmar Location

I was also speaking for the Alternatives Program in Wilmar, MN. However, the woman Rocky S., (that was running it) recently retired. The treatment center she worked at for so many years did a Retirement Party. It was great seeing her (probably) one last time. Keep her in prayer. She lost her husband not too long ago, and that’s been a true challenge of grief. Send a few prayers her way, please. God know who she is.

It was also one of my few paid speaking gigs. 2023 might be all free, unless I can land speaking jobs. So, pray for my work, too? Speakers are ready for Impact Panels. Phoenix 490 is Rising to help people Thrive, but organizational skills are needed. Care to help?

This is one bummer to report, that we didn’t go up to Grand Marais this year, but we are looking at the possibility of moving up north. Living in nature has been on our Bucket List for a long time.

The above is a carosel of JPEGS create for past Guests of either The Incomplete Skeptic, or Sober Wise Guy. TIS is about hearing unusual voices, stories, or padadigms that are somewhat maginalized societally. SWG is about interviewing people in longterm sobriety (generally 30+, but not always). You may recognize some of the names of past Guests. Follows are links of the interviews:

Karen Casey

Rodney Norman
Craig O. ~ SWG What surrender in recovery looks like.

Michael Monroe (my fav musician)

Funeral Blues, Sacred Contracts, MADD, Dreams & Visions, Self-forgiveness (my Inner Dialog of Yesteryear).

Overcoming

Love opens every cage. The serious attack on my youthful spirit...abuse, orphanage, dishonest system programmers, bad cops, lethargic sheep, etc. Taken from home at a young age as ‘the worst case of child abuse seen in the State of Minnesota’ at the time. And from there, it just got worse.

But I also experienced many people that care about the broken among us. We heal because of and often with you. Don’t go through life without finding a way to tell the world that they are loveable because we choose to be loveable. To give and receive love is our only cause célèbre. But don’t overthink any of it. As ee cummings said, anyone that pays attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you.

Here’s a good rendition of The Logical Song.

Logical

Tapping Your Brain for Change in the Correctional System

No one is ever truly alone. No prison wall is so thick that God can’t get through it.

A balance must exist between a defendant’s right to counsel of his choice” and the public interest of “maintaining an efficient and effective judicial system,” and the ability of district courts to conduct trials must be preserved.

Please let me know some ideas for helping the system evolve. In this video, I run many minor points and major themes about the direction I may take when I speak to Corrections Professionals in late October at the Minnesota Corrections Association. What if any of my ideas are sound, and what should I 'kick to the curb'? What would you want to say or hear if you were in my or the audience's shoes?

How can we help people in the system have hope and feel refreshed for doing the work that they do? Talk to me. I’m an Ex-Con and also have clear ideas about what it means to turn a life around, but people feel their trauma is too powerful to heal from. Is it true? If not, how do you help them know better?

I await your response. You can email me if you want at: cameroncommunicationz@gmail.com.

Self Defense or God Defense? Can Both Be True?

Capitol Punishment is wrong. If people quit depending on a police-state 'savior' mentality and get it through their thick heads that self-defense is NOT immoral and is a viable way of life to stand up for oneself through the Great Equalizer (guns), the problem will go away. Prisons won't be overcrowded.

Cowards want someone else to do their dirty work, but the problem with that is a potential Police State. I am fine with an ORDINATE AMOUNT OF POLICING BY WELL-TRAINED PROFESSIONALS, but loving our enemies and self-defense are not mutually exclusive. Millions of 'criminals' were murdered by the communist empires. If those murdered peoples were well-armed, the communists would never have achieved power. While I am quite happy to honor the police for standing between me and the criminal and honor their heroic nature accordingly, I will not wait for them to arrive when my life is in imminent danger.

People undergoing rigorous treatment and showing sustained compliance and social skills BEFORE release might be useful. Most of us want to see the potential in humanity come to fruition, as 'hope runs eternal' in the human breast, but standing between the evil and the innocent is where having a spine (and a gun) might help.

Again, making guns or cops our saviors over and beyond faith is a mistake; having a gun without God is pretty creepy. God First, then America First, then my God Loving right to life and liberty is more incumbent upon me than your right to life and liberty. Protect yourself FIRST (through prayer and THEN physical means). If you need help because you're outnumbered by criminals, call your Tribe to help.

Suicidal Dynamics Come in Many Disguises

I have cops for friends, so if you heard an anti-cop argument here, it's all in your head.

How To Beat Alcohol Addiction - The Hope Report

Streamed live on Aug 22, 2022, 19 years ago (8/22/2003) Melissa ”came to” in a strange motel room after an extended blackout at the Minnesota State Fair. She could remember nothing about the past 12 hours, She was panicked, desperate, and full of shame - that morning, She finally surrendered and asked Jesus to help her. She was never the same again- God replaced her lust for alcohol and dysfunctional men with a thirst for Him. He has done incredible things in her life since that day. Please join her for “Today’s Hope Report”, where Melissa will share the testimony that continues to unfold along with lessons learned over the past 19 years of walking with the Lord.

Her DWI’s were warning signs, but only God could set her on the right path. When we cry out to God, know that “PLEASE HELP” are powerful words that God can work with.

Here’s the YouTube link for her Story, but also some political ranting. Welcome to the present-day melee of life.

I’ll ask her to be a Guest on The Incomplete Skeptic.

https://youtu.be/W8rgA0dfJCo

Here’s the link to the Christian Magazine she published: Katy Christian Magazine

Gave Away All I Own

Donate

One of my many shortcomings in life has been to give everything away. When I gifted someone, it was always with the items I most prized. I figured why bother giving something one doesn’t REALLY, I mean REALLY want for themselves?

That being said, I’ll be more than a little lucky to make it to next month without my life being turned upside down. I don’t know what else to say.

God and God’s People.

CHESS for LIVING. Ignis aurum probat, miseria fortes homines (fire both proves gold & strong humans)

For me, chess has been a powerful tool and discipline for personal growth. Combined with alcoholic recovery principles, life makes much more sense than it used to. The YouTube video link at the bottom of this write will lead you to these tools and disciplines.

Odd as it may sound to some, my HP (Higher Power) God (as I understand God) has helped my surrendered heart, mind, and soul find Grace and Learned Beauty in every aspect of my past and NOW.

A willingness to go to any lengths is a beautiful thing. Loss in Life & on the Chess Board "IS" a Most Generous Benefactor.

Existence & then a Willingness to Believe Precedes our Capacity to Reflect Original Purity. Seriously, the most strenuous pushups in life are twofold: the first and the last. The middle pushups are generally the ones we forget, but the decision to do the first pushup is only memorable IF the last one kicked your' you-know-what.’ Right? :-)

Childbirth came to my mind as the ‘last’ PUSH! of sorts, but I’m a man, and sometimes our birthing is emotionally dreadful, but the spiritual/physical side of birthing a child I will never comprehend.

I created a video and took almost an hour to explain a few valuable lessons from the evolution of wisdom I’ve acquired both in and out of prison. The beautiful thing I discovered is that the doors of any prison I’ve been in were never locked, akin to the idea C.S. Lewis posited that the door to hell is opened only from the inside. To me, the most secure prison in the world is the one we construct for ourselves. I’ve met people in life who were in prison or going through circumstances that many of us would deem impossible to prevail over, but their attitudes were stellar, and their hearts stayed pure as their minds focused on the Glory of God.

To the pure of heart, all things are pure. In God’s Economy, nothing is wasted. “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy.

And lastly a quote from a well-known author Victor Frankl: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

The Three-Second Rule: Use It so you don't 'Lose It' (over something stupid). We all say something we regret from time to time, but some people justify it by saying something ridiculous, like, "Well, it's the TRUTH! You can't handle the TRUTH!" Geez, talk about wallowing in condescension.

For me, this works better: Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. This takes discipline. Pick your battles. How important is it?

Truth without compassion is cruelty.

Never get into a pissin' contest with a skunk.

Meek is Greek for 'Power Under Control.' Before speaking, I usually utilize The Three Second Rule. It has saved me more times than I can count.If you can support my work, please consider so doing. I had a benefactor support my work some time back, and I am so grateful.

I am here to serve humanity as an Instrument in my HP’s Hand. I was hoping you could help me help others (and help me keep food on my table) by inviting me to speak (live or online via ZOOM), maybe ask me to write an article, or just donate a few bucks by clicking the link at the top of the page.

Here’s the Unlisted YouTube video link with afformentioned Life Messages:

https://youtu.be/k85QhGLbtqs

A Little of my Backstory as a Child, and Robert Frost.

Grandpa Gill used to call me Slowpoke, Turtle, and other denotators as to my stopping to notice everything. We would be walking in the park and as he was talking to me, I would stop and drop to watch a flower, a blade of grass flex as an ant brushed upon it, a droplet of dew reflected light, or a mysterious item would catch my eye, like a bright blob of chewing gum on the sidewalk (and I would pull it up and put it in my mouth and chew it). I guess I was a Noticer, but not a very clean one.

I noticed everything, felt everything, and sometimes it overwhelmed my senses so much, that I would shrink into myself to shut it all out. In time, a gentle touch would feel like a searing iron on my skin, but being hit would not bother me too much. Then I was diagnosed as Autistic, but the truth is more complicated than that diagnosis. A Sensitive was reacting to his abusive circumstances and keeping the secrets of the abusers out of some con-job sense of loyalty. Groomers are experts at such things.

Robert Frost and I share a birthday, and we share something else, and that's a love of the written word, including poetry. He was a healthy Sensitive. Here is one of his poems I resonate with, titled, Every Grain of Sand:

Every Grain of Sand

In the time of my confession

In the hour of my deepest need

When the pool of tears beneath my feet

Flood every newborn seed

There's a dying voice within me

Reaching out somewhere

Toiling in the danger

And in the morals of despair

Don't have the inclination to look back on any mistake

Like Cain, I now behold this chain of events that I must break

In the fury of the moment, I can see the Master's Hand

In every leaf that trembles and in every grain of sand

Oh, the flowers of indulgence

And the weeds of yesteryear

Like criminals, they have choked the breath

Of conscience and good cheer

The sun beat down upon the steps of time

To light the way

To ease the pain of idleness

And the memory of decay

I gaze into the doorway of temptation's angry flame

And every time I pass that way, I always hear my name

Then onward in my journey, I come to understand

That every hair is numbered like every grain of sand

I have gone from rags to riches

In the sorrow of the night

In the violence of a summer's dream

In the chill of a wintry light

In the bitter dance of loneliness

Fading into space

In the broken mirror of innocence

On each forgotten face

I hear the ancient footsteps like the motion of the sea

Sometimes I turn, there's someone there, other times it's only me

I am hanging in the balance of a perfect finished plan

Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand

Good stuff, eh? Reminds me of a line from one of Michael Monroe's songs. A Safe Place to Land, Poems and Poets, Music, Sincere Hugs, and following The Holy Spirit. https://youtu.be/cvuptbkHjVI

Mirror Therapy, Self-Esteem & God-Esteem

MARY JO R., MY SPIRITUAL ADVISER (AKA SPONSOR) ASKED ME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERY MORNING AND SAY, "TIMOTHY, I LOVE YOU".  WHY?

SHE KNEW I WAS STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL IDEATIONS AFTER PUBLICLY SPEAKING OF DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE AND KILLING A CHILD (8/15/1977). I FELT HORRIBLE GUILT. SOBRIETY MEANT NO SUBSTANCE TO ANESTHETIZE MY PAIN!. I HAD TO FEEL EVERYTHING…WITH NOWHERE TO HIDE.

I COULD NO LONGER ‘ANESTHETIZE’ MYSELF WITH ‘DRINK OR DRUG’ IS NOT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF WHEN CONSIDERING RECOVERY; WHILE I WAS NOT DRINKING TO ‘ESCAPE’, (WHO ‘ESCAPES’ INTO HELL?) I DID GET TO AVOID FEELINGS OF REALITY AND DULLED MY CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE MEANING OF CONSEQUENCES. WHILE I THOUGHT THE IDEA OF ‘MIRROR THERAPY’ SOUNDED RIDICULOUS. IT REMINDED ME OF SOME POP-PSYCHOLOGY DRIVEL BS (sorry, just what crossed my mind at the time), I DEEPLY RESPECTED HER COURAGE AND WISDOM AND AGREED TO TRY IT THE FOLLOWING MORNING. 

The first time I spoke to the mirror, I immediately spewed expletives about how I felt about myself. I was shocked! I hated myself! I felt like I was damaged goods for having been abused as a child. I felt that killing a child made me worthless. So for 8 years, I looked in the mirror daily and told myself that I loved myself.  

One day (eight years later), I finally meant it! I loved myself! My spirit face was shining and the old Timothy was nowhere to be found. Loving others as I love myself was finally possible (part of God-Esteem)! I ran down to the Maplewood Alano Club to share my joy of not being able to see the "convicted felon" in the mirror anymore! 

I quickly approached about a dozen people who were smoking a cigarette outside the club before the meeting. I loudly announced my accomplishment & joy. In a very excited tone, I said, "Check out this shi_! You're gonna love this shi_! I looked in the mirror this morning and said, "Timothy, I LOVE you!" and I MEANT it!"  

HA! I probably sounded like Joel Olsteen or something. Everyone looked at me a little weirdly but said nothing. Then a female friend of mine took a hit off of her cigarette, blew smoke into the air, and then said sarcastically, "What! You gonna kiss yourself, too?!"  

Well, most likely she didn't know what Mirror Therapy was. I did not feel hurt by her response. I had paid some serious dues to heal and I was not about to let a flippant answer undo my hard-earned spiritual progress. I knew she simply did not know any better.  

It took me eight years, but it took her 2. Maybe my experience saved her some time in the process?

Guess what? A couple of years later, she came to me and apologized for her comment. She had come to a point in her life of grasping self-forgiveness. Truth is, she didn't owe me an apology, She MIGHT have owed herself one, though.  

Spiritual progress is an inside job. Go make friends with your mirror, then pay it forward. 

ROCKS & MIRACLES: Orphanage Life, Facing Adversity, A brief essay on Trusting God.

“The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence.” 2 Samuel 22:3 KJV

I was 12 years old when the state of Minnesota removed me from foster care. Although I was not Catholic, I was placed in a Catholic orphanage for boys named St. James, located in Duluth, Minnesota. I lived in that orphanage for two and 1/2 years. Having watched too many movies, I feared that nuns would cruelly rap my knuckles with a ruler if I ever did anything wrong, but that never happened to me. Actually, I am indebted to the Catholics for affording me the only two years of true childhood I had known. After the orphanage was sold, the peace disappeared.

The orphanage had its own school within its confines. The educational staff believed it to be in my best interest to attend a public school, so they enrolled me in Woodland Junior High. They told me that they thought I could succeed there. I was excited to try it with the hopes of being a normal young person and not a throwaway orphan.

I am not sure why, but I had been grappling with and meditating upon the concepts of Agnosticism. The idea that maybe God might not exist intrigued me, but my heart and spirit objected to this. My faith in God ebbed and flowed through my younger years. When I started attending junior high school, I began to believe and have a committed faith and trust in God. I did not attend any church. Trusting and loving God (a “Relationship”) made me feel extremely loving and loved.

Although I believed in God, I did not ‘believe’ in attending my math class. Sure, I have an odd sense of humor as a Writer. So one fine morning, I persuaded a kid to skip math class with me. We went up to a place called “The Rock”, a place where somewhat rebellious kids would hang out sneak a cigarette, smoke pot, or simply skip class.

While we were talking and enjoying the morning sun, two other school kids came up to “The Rock”. When I saw them, I became frightened because one of them was a well-known bully. The bully said something mean to me, but I decided to practice my new God-centeredness and not respond. I remembered how Jesus did not take offense when someone treated him poorly. My lack of response made him angry, so he said something even crueler to me. I again chose to hold my peace. He then asked me a spiteful question, to which I remained silent.

The bully leaned over and picked up a softball-sized rock, and said that if I did not answer his question, he was going to "smash in" my face. Out of the blue, I responded, “Go ahead. It won't hit me.” I was shocked at the words that just came out of my mouth. It was as if the words were not coming from me but through me. I did indeed believe that God would protect me, yet I must admit that I still had fear. The bully looked taken aback at my response, and then demanded, “Why not?” To which I answered, “Because God won't let it”.

Fear crept into the bully's face; he glanced at his visibly frightened friend, and then looked back at me. I saw a hardness creep back into his face that reflected an unwillingness to bear humiliation and fear in front of his friend. With his right hand, the bully raised the stone up, and leaning back much like a baseball pitcher, launched the stone straight at my face. The bully was perhaps 15 feet away from me when he threw the rock.

As the rock flew straight toward my face, I almost flinched. My instinct was to move my head and avoid the oncoming rock. Instead, I chose to trust God, which led to a solid calm within me. As the rock came at me, it seemed to be moving in slow motion. I watched the rock’s trajectory change in a graceful curve away from my face, gliding past my right cheekbone by a narrow margin. Had I flinched per my instinct, I would have moved into the path of that rock.

The bully gawked at me with obvious astonishment. I locked my grateful and confident eyes on his. His little friend looked both fearful and amazed at what he had witnessed. He also looked relieved. As for the bully, he turned on his heel and walked briskly away with his friend in tow.

I rejoiced in my heart for the protection that God offered me that day. I will never forget it. I am happy at this opportunity to witness to you, the reader, that trust in God produces results. The beautiful and sometimes invisible shield of safety that God gives to those who believe has astounded people for centuries.

I wonder what, if any, difference it made in the lives of the three young people who witnessed what happened that day. I am curious if it became part of the bully and his friend’s testimony or not? I guess I will never know for sure, but I do know it has become part of my testimony.

Scripture says God's power (word) will not go out and come back void. God’s works and words expand, as do the works and words of God’s witnesses.

My experience is that God is a loving God whose power aids those who want it. I hope and pray this testimony will gracefully turn aside any ‘rock’ thrown your way; may God’s love grace your heart and life with a testimony of trust in the midst of adversity. Amen.

Here’s to Living in the Soul-ution!

Psalms 40:3 “And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.” KJV

© Timothy G Cameron, December 16, 2008

Principles Before Personalities & An Odd Question About American Politics

I heard a comment about our wondering if the Democrats and Republicans are extinct, but don’t know it yet. I suppose any idea is good, depending on its use.

A meaningful life is not governed by a democratic process. The idea or ‘fact’ that others do or do not approve of what you say or do, may or may not mean that you did the right or wrong thing.

Be the best person you can be and leave the outcome up to God. Live a principal-based life. The best way to peacefully rest your head upon your pillow at night is to rest upon the dictates of your conscience. Living by principles before personalities mean not being deterred or overly concerned by the immediate judgments of those around you.

"Boredom Comes From a Boring Mind" Hatfield

I hope it doesn't become tedious, and I bore people by repeating that 'strength through vulnerability' requires more strength than any bully could ever imagine. That the earth will be inherited by the meek doesn't mean by the weak. Meek is Greek for 'Power Under Control.' Turning one's will over to God is not 'weak.' Looking for the good in every human being is not a mental disease or defect.

I remember a story from Melody Beattie about so-called strong people riping the blanket off of someone because 'they don't need it' ('it' being a crutch). She said they have the blanket for a reason, and even if it's a crutch, they might freeze to death without it. It takes some people time to heal, and it's not our place to decide what that timeline is. Sure, ripping off the bandaid is a good idea so as not to prolong the ordeal of removal, and 'Cold Turkey' has its place, but not every person knows the internal struggle someone is going through. Plate said to be kind because no one knows what someone else is going through. Also, in a book that I like, I read that we should be hard on ourselves and gentle with others. A gentle word turns aside anger.

Some people call Faith a crutch. Think what you will, but loving people after being hurt by people requires great strength. Forgiveness based on Faith is a crutch. But I'll walk on water with my crutch if need be.

Here's a poem about fragility that, in part, made me love this poet:

"somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond

any experience, your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and

my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility: whose texture

compels me with the color of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens; only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands"

― E.E. Cummings, Selected Poems

Who are the Creatives that Encourage You to Create?

What author doesn't make a writer want to write? LOL! OK, joking aside, any author that went through a lot to rise above difficulties makes me want to write.

Jesus never wrote that we know of. He lived what he Spoke. Some poets lived their poems, so we might not know of some of them, but some had the wherewithal to live AND write their poems.

ee cummings is one of my favs, and WH Auden, too.

I read Myths, Models, and Paradigms by Ian Barbour in the '80s, and I'm still writing about what I learned (truth expands, just like God's Word).

Greg Boyd's book, Repenting of Religion, still has me thinking/writing, as did his Letters from a Skeptic.

I believe the Holy Spirit moves in my Heart, Soul, and Mind to write and speak (and when to be silent, so the DROPPED ROCKS themselves can be heard to cry HALLELUEIA).

God Said, Let There be Paint

Just a few words I had on God’s Portraits. www.youtube.com/shorts/P7ECuq4sN-g

Hundreds of breakthroughs, mostly unnoticeable, littered my path to distract me toward lessons deeper than life itself. Dozens of breakthroughs, all unique and seemingly independent, left me to wonder if this was/is The One (Breakthrough of Breakthroughs)!! But several years trudged on in the life of happy choices AKA destiny.

Then more and more and deeper and darker the lights become useless, and the rays of darkness with immense, mysterious beauty engulfed my entire comprehension. Every brand of the holy-water tear was tasted and tested, recognized, and labeled like Adam's un-naming animals and plants. Only trust and choice remained as I floated in the dark river of death. Now darkness is as day and daylight can longer require of its captives mud and straw, for the sacred rains dissolved all meaninglessness of this illusory world. The hibernation lasted until the oceans dried up, but the living waters served up spiritual oxygen.

Some years ago, I was traveling the Dark Night of the Soul. Had you ever made this journey yourself, the above-stated 'Musings" would be second-nature and ironically indescribable with logical vocabulary, a sacred space where poetry alone eclipses the sun of reason, giving birth to the Rumi and Hafiz beyond life & death.

What started my journey was twofold: the first divorce, and the second, a relationship with a practicing alcoholic herself ultimately being found dead by her daughter, cause of death, drinking. A book had been recommended by a public speaker (and friend) from Hazelden presenting at “The Recovery Church” in St. Paul. After the presentation, I drove to The Mecca of All Bookstores (Barnes & Noble) looking for the recommended book, titled, "Addiction & Grace," written by Gerald May.

I found it on a bottom shelf, but next to it stood another book that enchanted my soul with moonlit trees barely discernable on its’ cover, titled, "The Dark Night of the Soul, penned by the same author. The "Spirit in my Chest" verified I was to have this book, so I carried it and the other book to the clerk and made my purchase. One might easily read the book, “The Dark Night of the Soul” in a day, but it took me two & one-half years to read it because I was living every word. One more year elapsed before I had reason to believe I had come through to the other side of marginally normal living, back in the world but no longer of the world.

Making the mystical journey is not strongly suggested for the strong, for the strong will collapse and perhaps fail at the Herculean Vulnerability required to pass this test.

Thank you for feeling these words.

I couldn't look at this write for long...back then. Make your wounds your wisdom. I remember who I AM every day. Those days are gone.

It’s all beautiful, every crevasse of wonderment. Trust is the ultimate freedom.