Occasionally I read an article about solitary confinement. Today is one of those days. When I read such articles, the following memory is but one of several that comes to mind.
I rather liked solitary confinement in some ways. Still, one day after a long time in ‘Seg,’ the quiet quietly enveloped me until I suddenly realized that my face was lying on a table in front of a group of staff members who called me out of solitary. They (whatever ‘they’ were called, I no longer remember) wanted to see if solitary confinement was punishment enough for my disobedience, I guess.
I vaguely remember that they asked me some question or other, but I didn't answer in any classical fashion. I 'answered' (laid my head on the table), resting my face on the cold wood. The room became quiet, which ironically caught my attention.
I lifted my head, looked at them, and saw their shocked faces, eyes transfixed on me. I had a vague understanding, a dim and distant memory, that said social presence means something (pause) that we are not 'supposed' to lay our faces on tables while someone's talking to us. I then sat erect, but still didn't say anything.
Yeah, solitary confinement is weird. It has its benefits. We delve deep inside of our nature, and as Nietzsche said, how we stare into the abyss. I never really thought of the void being a group experience before.
In my book, I wrote about solitary confinement in my youth, how alone I felt when feeling grief, and seeing cars drive on the freeway. I knew a soul, a person, was in those moving cans, but felt so sad they couldn’t sense that there are souls in a different can suffering from loneliness. I was under a severe amount of mental stress, maybe suffering from mental illness, but I felt the dark side was attacking me. It was horrible. But prayer and a loving voice freed me from several days of sleeplessness and impending suicide. The voice said after I asked if there was a God or not and asking for help if there is a God, “Rest, my child.” I was not alone, AND the mental illness (attack) went away forever. I slept like a baby and awoke refreshed and full of love and gratitude. In God’s Economy, even solitary isn’t wasted. There’s no prison wall, so think that God can’t get through it.
OK, here’s a random prison memory. The Associate Warden called me and my cellie into his office. He was upset because we both claimed religious freedom for not working on Sundays (the Sabbath). When we explained that God told us not to work on Sundays, he slammed his fist on the desk, and with a raised voice, said, “In this prison, I’M God!” My cellie and I looked at each other with a grin, looked at the Associate Warden, and one of us said, “No, you’re not.”
A year or two later, I guess God died of a heart attack. While I didn’t wish anything so bad happen to him, I still saw the irony.
OK, there’s a prison memory or two for you to ponder. Just remember that Social Distancing has its benefits if used right.