If it doesn’t kill us, it only makes us stronger?
Sobriety is my first rule for living. My and all life is itself sacred and has rules; whether we like or dislike the laws of life is irrelevant. The rules of life do not discriminate for or against courage or cowardice. It does not favor the bold or the timid, nor smiles on the beautiful eye of the beholder. There is a divine intelligence ensconced and operative within the nature of everybody and everything. In God’s Economy, nothing is wasted. It's not possible to depart from the path that divine intelligence treads, even when we forget the rules or choose to ignore their presence.
TRUST is the first rule or light that allows us to either sense, feel, or see the illuminated path before us. For me, the highest three-legged standard for ‘winning’ is that I TRUST God, clean house, (AKA, getting out of my way), and help others. As a person engaged in a collective recovery from alcoholism, the rules of sobriety bring about a win/win mindset, wherein we embrace a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of a spiritual condition. That is, we follow a few simple rules that bring about maximum benefits for everyone concerned. Staying sober is best for my spiritual health, emotional and mental health, physical fitness, remaining free and being employable, and is useful in all my relationships.
Turning my will and life over to the care of God is to have unconditional trust. I understand God loves me unconditionally; this rule helped me stay sober for nearly 30 years. Another rule I’ve followed is attending 12-Step meetings to help the still suffering alcoholic. Helping others helps me stay sober. That’s one of the critical standards of sobriety.
Many years ago, at home, my ex-wife stood on the top stair looking down at me while I stood at the front door, ready to leave for a 12-Step meeting. She sought to force an ultimatum or solution. She said I had to choose between her and the 12-Step program.
My response?
I said I believed I could have both. I stated that my attending meetings helped our marriage and made me a better human being and husband. I explained that if I lost my sobriety, I would lose my marriage anyway, so I said I needed to continue going to meetings. I also said if she didn’t think I could have both, then that’s a decision she would have to make. I told her that I loved her and that I was going to the meeting. Later she told me that it was the most painful moment of her entire life. I think if I would’ve relapsed, her pain would’ve expanded exponentially. She never had to the misfortune of knowing me when I was a practicing alcoholic. Had she ever experienced the old me, she would’ve probably kicked me out the front door and told me to get to the meeting now or else!
My marriage did come to an end, but I didn’t have to drink over the divorce. I discovered a set of rules upon which I could rely. I walked through my life as if it were is a complete stream of miracles and nothing less, for better or for worse (yes, she divorced me, and not vice-versa).
Remember when Einstein said that either 'everything' is a miracle or nothing is a miracle? I choose everything. The 12-Step 'rules' reflected in shared values, beliefs, convictions, align with our personal standards; but first and foremost, 'principles' and 'rules' rise above personalities.
Politics, religion, and myriad forms of separation are measured as “outside issues” in the 12-step system. Every day of our lives that we live following these rules, we also acquire the intuitive freedom to question our rules. Rules are meant to be broken. The number one rule of all is the freedom of choice embodied within the acceptance of unconditional love.
We quit fighting everything and everybody. That’s a real win-win. Take what you like and leave the rest. As I’m sure you’ve heard, ‘Do you wanna be happy, or do you wanna be right?’ Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom are Gifts from God.