God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. After we turn our will and lives over to God's care, our sole objective is to let go and let God. After some years of speaking in MADD, I looked back on the fact that I didn't mean to do what I did. However, I also didn't mean not to do it. Yes, I know that’s a double negative, but you know what I mean. I ran away from treatment for drug and alcohol abuse when I was 19 years old, and had I been successful in that treatment center, Little Timmy would probably be alive today. I also would not have gone to prison for manslaughter. Ironically, Alcoholics are usually the last ones to know they're Alcoholics.
So when I'm giving presentations for MADD, Minnesotans for Safe Driving, or Phoenix 490, I remember to tell people that they have a choice not to do what I have done. They can't hit a target they don't have (consciously, at least), but they become excuse-free after hearing the warning message that I present to them. They cannot tell a judge in the future that they didn't know what they did could result in the death or injury of another human being or that an incident of driving under the influence of alcohol might have serious consequences at the very least. If they take to heart the message that I present, then they can set plans in place to protect the things that they love.
Sometimes, dealing with alcoholism/alcoholics is the acknowledgment that the attention they give to alcohol in their lives might be a problem. If you want to know what people love in life, look at where they spend their time. Show me your friends, and I will show you your future. For an alcoholic, alcohol is NOT their friend, and often the people they hang out with are ‘fair-weather-friends’ who bail on them when stuff hits the fan. But with alcoholics, that’s a truth that's hard to see until they hit rock bottom; they didn't have a drinking problem; they had a thinking problem, and drinking was 'but a symptom' of that problem. If they don't do something about alcoholism, though, they can't correct the thinking problem. Removing alcohol from an alcoholic's life long enough to give space in time to see…allowing time enough to experience a truly sober thought for the first time in maybe years in some people's lives, is extremely important. The Prison of Denial is a most secure imprisonment, indeed. Alcoholics can have many spiritual experiences, but without spiritual awareness, the experiences often go unnoticed. It’s a miracle that many people never drove drunk and killed themselves or someone else. It’s a miracle they didn’t land in prison, get divorced, go to an insane asylum, or die. Alcoholics walk on water for years and complain every day how life ain’t fair. I say THANK GOD LIFE AIN’T FAIR. Yes, I think we should treat each other fairly and be merciful and forgiving of others and ourselves, but I chose to see my past as a miracle instead of as ONLY a tragedy. In God’s Economy, nothing is wasted.
While a person is in active alcoholism, the best-laid plans get laid waste. We've all heard that 'we don't plan to fail, that we fail to plan.’ Most people who are stuck in alcoholism or addiction can't see to the prison of their thinking until they hit rock bottom. One of the hardest things in the world to do as a person who loves an alcoholic is to step back and let the consequences take their course. If we throw pillows beneath them to soften their fall, we might kill them. Before hitting Little Timmy, I said a prayer, asking God not to let me hit the two women who were crossing the street in front of the vehicle. But my prayer came too late. I had charted my course wittingly or unwittingly, and the dye was cast, evidently.
I like to think that maybe Little Timmy and I had a Sacred Contract, as in he would give his life, and I would spend the rest of mine doing something about it. My work may help save a couple of lives, and if the feedback I've received through the years is accurate, it is absolutely true that more people have been saved than I've hurt. God only knows the real truth behind all this.
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