I always experience at least a titch nervousness when I hear or read the words, "Tough Love." I brace myself to endure cruel discourses on why it's OK to be mean to people who are sick. Maybe if people looked at Tough Love as the 'Last Words' they say before passing, things might lighten up a bit. Consider the Second Epistle to Timothy in the New Testament of the Christian Bible. The letter has been traditionally attributed to Paul the Apostle, the last one written in Rome before his death. His Last Words if you will. Therein it is written, "And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." To me, this is one good definition of Tough Love.
Last week I gave a speech on this subject. I decided to do this speech because I heard a fellow human being, for the umpteenth time, say that someone else was 'wallowing in self-pity.' Her words continued to echo in my mind for a few days, which I took as a Higher Message that I was supposed to address it. The same 'titch of nervousness' arose within me at defining 'wallowing' and was akin to how I feel when discerning self-righteous accolades known as 'Tough Love.' I usually keep my thoughts to myself but find it benefits my beliefs, allows them to evolve when I challenge myself to be 'out loud' about disturbing topics. Truth without compassion is cruelty, and in that light, In the speech I gave last week, I spoke about a man who sponsored another man in a 12 Step program aimed at sobriety from alcoholism. The sponsor said he received a phone call from his Sponsee who was either in jail or a psychiatric ward of the hospital due to his drinking and depression. The sponsor described how he became angry at this young man and told him to quit calling him because the young man never does what he asked him to do and never listens anyway. The Sponsor city hung up on him at that point.
I think the sponsor allowed his heart to wax cold or indignant, perhaps at the young person not making progress as he thought development should be exemplified. I find it ironic that the Sponsor suffered from obesity, and I wondered how the sponsor would feel if his doctor came into the room at the hospital after his having had a heart attack and refuse to treat him because he told him to quit eating hamburgers. 'He never listens' and never does what he says anyway, so that justifies the doctor walking out of the room and turning his back on the patient? That's not going to happen, right? Likewise, when anyone anywhere reaches out there hand for help, I believe it is incumbent upon us to reach out our hand and help the person who asked for it. Jesus would've called the sponsor a "hypocrite!"
I suspect we are all hypocrites in some area/s of our lives, and who are we to say that our hypocrisy is better than someone else's hypocrisy? I suspect wallowing in self-pity is no different than wallowing in self-condescension. For me to judge either side of the equation is a mistake, because it's really up to God to heal the person, not me. God meets us where we are at. We don't get ready to meet God, we meet God to get ready. God's timing must be honored.
One thing to remember is, in God's economy, nothing is wasted. God is the Doctor, we just are Orderlies at best. But for the grace of God there go I. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk. Quit walking with the enemy. Keep your eye single to the glory of God. I continue.