Drug Overdoses, Suicides, and Excessive Drinking Rising for White Females

Per the Washington Post 2016, across the country, middle-aged white women are dying at staggeringly higher rates, particularly from drug overdoses, suicides, and excessive drinking.

Women have always been caretakers for others, but who will help the helpers help themselves?  "US Suicide Rate Soars In 21st Century - Up 80% For Middle-Aged White Women"!

Asking for help is never easy, but don't believe everything you think when you're hurting. Put your heart and life in the hands of our Creator and the people directed to your path. 'You have not because you ask not' is sometimes the issue, but listening is an art. There's many ways to ask but if we are not listening, we might miss the question.

Strange Satirical Songs, but Deadly Serious

So I get on Facebook and right away see a friend whose dad is beating the odds with cancer again.  Another friend who lost someone to cancer was the next in line on the Feed.  Next post in the feed was a friend who said either he's gonna get better or die.  Ironic Arrangement is a Bouquet Called Life & Death.

It's amazing to me how we all uniquely respond to life & death and all the in-betweens. 

Why was I healed through prayer while others were not healed, despite fervent prayer? 

Why have others driven under the influence and never killed anyone, but I did? 

I found it strangely satirical hearing people say in meetings or after MADD talks, "I'm glad I never killed anybody," never thinking twice about why 'some do, and some don't' and how we are never different from one another, regardless of what we have done or not done.  Our actions were or are the same, and in fact, we are the same, but the outcomes are different. 

WAAC is a realistic website addressing the paradigm of freedom and guilt uncaught.  One person 'gets away with it' (driving under the influence) and become a judge, legislator, cop, or Governor.  I've talked to County Attorneys while privately admit alcoholism has impacted their lives (yes, plural), but they did what they had to do and recovered.  BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, THERE GO I.  You know, that sort of thing.  

August 15, 1977, after killing Little Timmy, I was in jail. The men in the cells next to mine were all screaming the words, “BABBY KILLER” at me.  But they were so drunk that they could barely pronounce “baby killer.”  The only difference, perhaps between them and me, is that they didn’t have to make an alcohol-impaired decision while they were driving their vehicles when a mother pushing a stroller across the street was in front of their car.  Who knows why anything?  I'm not sure if WHY is even relevant until our heart and mind become reverent to life on life’s terms.

They say in prison that you find out who your friends are after you get in trouble.  People’s lives go on, and you are buried alive in the Tomb of Isolation, awaiting your turn at the resurrection.  Being alone is traumatic for people, but it's also the norm that they themselves have set up and enabled.  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  But there seems to be a Cumulative Breakthrough Effect which I will symbolically call, “BCE,” Before the Common Era when we go from ME to WE and choose to climb into the pit with love, that pure consciousness where Miracles are Born. 

Song Time:  “And this is for the questions that don't have an answer, and all my heroes at the methadone clinics, I said it's all good, and it's all in fun, now get in the pit and try to love someone” ~ Kid Rock sang these lyrics in, “Bawitdaba”, but it was Written by Jason Edward Krause, David James N Parker, Robert J. N Ritchie, Sylvia N Robinson, Matthew L. N Shafer • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

I was at a funeral yesterday.  They played the same song as I heard at the last funeral I attended, titled, “I Can Only Imagine.”  I wanted to sing to it in the second funeral but didn’t want to be the only one singing, feeling it would be deemed disrespectful and draw negative, judgmental attention to myself when in reality, I SHOULD ALWAYS SING THE SONG THAT’S INSIDE OF ME.  I don’t have to ‘belt it out.'  I can practice temperament or power under control and sing quietly; worst case scenario, I can sing silently, “Like a Prayer” (Madonna).

Oh, the other way of knowing who your friends are, is…do they listen?  Do they get quiet when you ask for help or offer help?  Listen to life, because it loves you even when it doesn’t go your way.  I love you.  Pass it on.

Trusting Oneself is a Form of Narcissism

There's nothing new under the sun or the moon. Intellectual property is a symptom of twisted expectation, akin to the idea of owning land, animals, or a partner being "mine", or a race being "my race".

Ownership separates us. Funny how that works. If we spend as much time on the page of 'others' to help them and less time on our own page to help ourselves, that would be a good start. Are we on the same page?

But what happens when helping ourselves IS helping others? Does anyone support that idea, or even notice it?

Victim Mentality Issues is like trust issues. There is ONE who has ALL Power. I don't have to trust humans or even trust myself. Trusting myself is a form of Narcissism. How's this for an example of selfishness?  "You need to EARN my trust!" It is slightly less problematic to say, "You need to earn my DISTRUST".

Trusting others is giving away the resolve I've given to my Higher Power and giving it to others. If annoyed, I took my eyes off of the prize and the same applies to a lifelong habit of sadness.

Creating a New Default comes from surrender, RECOVERING what we already are and always have been. We stand between two mirrors, one being the future, the other, the past. To change the past and future, MOVE or SHIFT your position.

Adjusting one's position changes everything beyond the paradox of time and space. That's why we can pray for the past because the One with all power doesn't find time and space "an issue".

The Balancing Element of Honesty, Like a Diamond, is Multifaceted

Suspending judgment is a skill few seem to have acquired, the acquisition of which limits the suspension and therefore the conclusions emanating from it. BUT IT'S THE TRUTH! LOL!

Once upon a time, when I was in my early 20's, I accidentally(?) had a genius befriend me. I remember being 100% certain of a thing I knew as The Truth, then to my utter dismay, I was blessed by the Universe, through this person, to have irrefutable proof that I was actually 100% wrong. The very next day, the exact same lesson presented itself about another truth that I 100% knew to be true. The difference between day one and two was what I did because of the experience.

To date, even when I am 100% certain of a thing and to coin the lyrics of a song, "the only thing I know is I don't know a thing".

There's no such thing as knowledge; there's only perception. At least it's just my perspective or opinion. The balancing element to honesty is open mindedness and a willingness to listen. People who know something don't listen. Knowledge kills faith and belief.

Anything more or less than keeping it simple tends toward karmic entanglement (if such a thing exists).  Loving others as I love myself removes the "others" and we are One.

Life is a mystery.  As Emily Dickinson said, "I dwell in possibility."  Truth without a passion for paradox is dead.

Who Are the REAL Role Models in Life?

As I've said on so many occasions, "In God's Economy, nothing is wasted."  It is no wonder that God aligns our lives in such a way as to design Higher Constructions of Consciousness, targeting the Highest Good (Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven).

In the book I recently published, I did not want to reread and edit many of the events I wrote about because objectivity was difficult. I just hope the writings make sense to people in a way that brings healing.

I know this will sound odd, but I think we all have Sacred Contracts and God Calls those of us who are STRONG to endure the most pain. We are not strong like the world defines strong, but strong in our capacity to endure our own vulnerability without giving up.

Writing helped me, some privately and some publicly and mostly through poetry penned in darker days, to survive deep angst. The poetry was for me and it made little sense to others or even myself, but it helped me prevail, to not give up.  

I immersed myself in prayer and pain, reading and writing, for 3 1/2 years. It burned away everything this world had to offer, leaving behind love, only love.

That is not to say I achieved sainthood or some silly thing. Being human, I experience plenty of "moments" when I don't measure up to anything remotely resembling a Role Model in any classic sense.

For me, the greatest Role Models are the REAL people who struggle and still love.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

I wish I had been videoing the day I remember being on Franklin Avenue near Cedar when an off-duty cop stopped on the side of the road, got out of his car in uniform, and approached a Native American who had his backpack and contents spread out on the grass. It was evident he had been drinking, but to my knowledge, he was not bothering anyone. When the guy saw the cop coming his way, he started jamming things back in his backpack, anticipating trouble. Like him, I too assumed the cop was going to give the guy shit, but actually, the cop looked calm with no authority in his step (such things are hard to describe, but you can just tell). 

Anyway, I noticed the cop had something in his hand, which turned out to be a sandwich wrapped in cellophane. He gave the guy the sandwich. 

They looked at each other for a couple of seconds, like a sacred connection took place. I saw the guy relax, look at the sandwich and back at the cop.  His lips looked like he said, "Thank you."  I cop gave him a gentle smile, turned around and walked back to his car. 

It was a moment I'll always treasure in my memory.

You Should Have Been Fried in the Electric Chair

A police officer commented after I spoke for MADD once in Dakota County, that I should have been “fried in the electric chair” for killing Little Timmy.  This gentleman was required to attend my speech because of reasons I won’t go into, but let’s just say he and his family were there for Cause and had he not attended, he would have a judge to answer to for non-compliance. 

It was ironic we look at the Letter of the Law problematically, rather than consider the Higher Law which granted me life and had me speaking to students at Earth School.  Funny how many people don’t see a Higher Message, even when it is staring them in the face. 

Anyway, I responded to his concern, saying that if he believed the crime I committed didn’t match the consequences, that he should take the matter up with legislators who hadn’t deliberated death as a reasonable punishment for my crime. 

I suggested he try to change the law if he didn’t like it.  Right or wrong, it was the law and nowhere in our country is the death penalty assigned for this type of offense.  I served my time, finished supervised released and have been law-abiding for a long time. 

Likewise, if we don’t like any given law governing our lives, we should just try to get it changed rather than just complain about it. Complaining is Fake News.  LOL!  

In prison, I filed lawsuits to redress my grievances. Occasionally I prevailed.  Effort, not outcome, might be the Higher Message.

Eulogy for Flibbertigibbetting

Gossiping about someone without giving them a chance to color the evidence is cowardly, harmful, and wrong. Gossip is born in mind, passes the lips like a subtle hiss, and brings down the greater good, ironically giving a painless birth to the lowest common denominator. Gossip commonly serves as a tool to make oneself feel superior to someone else. I've rarely heard accurate information transmitted regarding a person who was not present to hear it communicated. This same mistake broadly applies to religion, science, politics, management/HR, family, homelessness, race, gender, income-levels, etc.

Bobby Fischer, the 11th World Chess Champion that many esteem as the best that's ever been (probably a higher percentile of Americans subscribe to this notion than abroad), taught a lesson on chess that I absorbed as a life truth. He said it is paramount to look at every square on the board that every piece can move before committing oneself to a move. Sounds like great advice for life in general, right? Silence and circumspection should attend every important decision that one makes before pulling the trigger.  This training readies us for real life when we might not have time to flesh out all the possibilities.

When we are in training or otherwise have time, here’s what has helped me through the years.  I call it T-3, and in certain circles, it is an axiom or Slogan. "Think, THINK, Think" has for me become a lifestyle, akin to Bobby Fischer's' prescription for winning chess. 1-T) Think. I briefly consider the matter at hand, then separate myself quickly from it to suspend my judgment, then return to it with objectivity. 2-T) On important issues, I consider every aspect of it as deeply as I am capable, analyzing the interplay of ideas, moves, and relational outcomes consummate to the task at hand. Then after holding on to the possibilities that seem most promising and dismissing the chaff, I select the strongest sequence of moves available, and then I WALK AWAY or daydream about anything other than the plan. Then, 3-T) Returning to the decision I made after the thorough consideration, I reconsider my options confidently but without conceit, looking for things I might have missed.

In tournament chess, the hard and fast rules are, "Touch Move, Touch Take." If you touch the piece, then you must move it or take it. Touching is a total commitment; just like speaking is not easily unspoken, one should weigh it out carefully before committing to it.

Then comes the clincher for clarity. I free my mind of everything I think I know, then reach for the piece to move, and deliberately 'almost' touch the piece several times. With the spirit of humility and gentleness rather than fear or agenda, I wait for my intuition to reveal what my logical mind missed. I can't begin to count the number of times the intuitive mind shows me what I missed in my 'Think, THINK, Think' processing.  Emily Dickenson said, “Dwell in possibility.”  How can we gossip about a thing that doesn’t feed our ego or anger?  Gossiping is a strange form of lazy supremacy.  Rise above it, and you’re bound to taste the sweetness & peace you’ve been desiring.

"Ignis aurum probat, miseria fortes homines." ~Seneca

Here's a total mishmash, hodgepodge of unedited drivel:

Growing up unclean and unworthy, I only wanted to eat the crumbs of love that fell from other people's lives. Like pieces of intellectual property, if they caught me, they would try to wrest it from my mind. The bits and pieces they missed falling, I now realize, were but 'the ones that would bring the ones' they loved the missing pieces of their lives back to them "some day". The lost would be found.

When I fell a long way from the plate of The Master, landing hard and hitting concrete, knocking both the good and bad sense out of me, it left me powerless, leaving nothing but surrender. Predators came to see what fell, saying, "See, he has a record."

But like a wild animal, I ate myself to survive. I ate my history and it became Highstory.

Being alone with no one to pick me up, no one to feed me and dress my wounds, I was left without an Enabler. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Sometimes we have to give ourselves the love we want from others until we are strong enough to give love to those who are too weak to feed (on) themselves. We 'Pass It On', feeding on the IMPOSSIBLE to give life to the possible.

As Emily Dickenson said, "Dwell in Possibility."

How Can He Be 'The One' If He's Dead? The Cost of Success

An incidence of abuse cited by a female friend of mine (a man ‘Flashed” her from his car) has caused me to deliberate on life. As terrible as this may sound, one could view this moron's action as an excellent opportunity for spiritual growth. When such impactful things happen to us, maybe one’s Higher Power is accessing a wounded part of ourselves that needs healing?

My youth was filled with both abusive and peaceful opportunities for deeper growth, and then I went to prison.  I used to wonder why God (my Higher Power) allowed me to see the awful underbelly of humanity.

Then I sobered up, as they say.  I wondered what people meant when they said they never killed anyone while driving under the influence. I used to wonder why I was born to a mother who couldn't take care of me properly (the State of Minnesota deemed my situation ‘the worst case of abuse they had seen in Minnesota’ at the time...today it would not seem so unusual). I could go on and on.

But forgiveness always runs deeper than the wound or offense that required its presence. If there was no offense, forgiveness as a virtue could not exist. The wound was a wonderful opportunity for spiritual growth. Oprah said, “Make your wounds your wisdom.” 

A friend of mine asked why she could not stop drinking. Everything else in her life was OK, she said, but drinking wasn't. I didn't say that maybe what she was going through was for OTHERS. Sometimes we go through things to help others reach a brighter end of their healing journey.

In God's Economy, nothing is wasted. I was suicidal without ideation for years, but 1) because I had given my will and life to God, my life was not longer mine to take.  I couldn’t steal it, and 2), I also realized that IF I committed suicide, then when someone needed help getting through their grief, THEN I couldn’t help because I’M DEAD.  I NEEDED to pass the test for OTHERS.  Like Cypher said in The Matrix, "I mean how can he be the One if he's dead?"

The Dark Night of the Soul is dreadfully difficult, but also terribly beautiful.  I wouldn’t trade one day of the pain during those darker days.  To do so would be to reject a part of myself.  I would lose my wholeness.  A person cannot be Holy without Wholeness.  Everywhere we walk is Holy Ground because we are there.  We paint the future with our lives.  The world is our canvas.  The images we create can be ugly or beautiful. 

Still, for some gravely wounded poetic warriors, healing might be a lengthy process.  I am in no way saying that the offense that caused the injury was right or justified. The offense was wrong, yes, but what are we gonna do about it?

Many are called to attend the Higher Learning Centers of Life, but few are willing to drop the Victim Mentality, hang up the ego-centered Blamethrower, and bring the darkness to the Light. One's things' for sure, shit happens. A dung beetle loves and makes shit its home, lays its eggs there even, and if we are not careful to wash the actions of others from our unconscious minds, we might do the same. Taking our power back is imperative. Only dogs get mad. Humans are supposed to look at what caused us pain, consider the highest possible message, and migrate our consciousness by 'life on life's terms.'

Changing our minds will change our lives. Stick with the winners, and never get into a pissin' contest with a skunk.  When can experience peace no matter what the crazy world of ours is doing, right?  Must we attend every fight to which we’ve received a RSVP?   Choose your battles wisely.

My Worst UBER Rider

As some of you might know, I am an UBER Driver.  

I drove a minister when I first started UBER (my first day, maybe my third ride). I asked his permission to tell a joke, which dispensation he granted. Mind you; I related a joke that a friend of mine who is a minister said during a church service. I thought I was, "Good to go" in the I AIN'T GONNA OFFEND department.

Well, it seemed he got irate after I delivered the joke and asked if he could tell me a joke. I should have known by the tone of his voice I was in trouble, but my wanting to be friendly, said, "Oh, sure!" He then said, raising his voice with each word of the 'joke,' "Once upon a time there was an UBER driver who didn't mind his own business who got his face smashed in with a truck!" I asked if that was his way of telling me not to tell any more jokes, to which he responded with a classic passive/aggressive ‘Minnesota Nice Voice,' "No."

I ceased all nonessential communication, dropped him at the airport, remain above the negativity the best that I could with one exception:  I started playing Christian Music from my IPOD for his listening pleasure since he certainly hadn’t endured what he purportedly praised as the Exemplar of Christianity.   Like Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, but I don’t like some of your Christians.”  The rider awarded me my only 1-Star rating.  I gave him a 5-Star rating.  Be kind to those who have issues.  Who knows, maybe that was the last day he wore his collar because he got fired for people falling asleep in the pews.  Or worse yet, maybe he was on the way to a funeral for a friend and the joke was bad timing. 

I guess you might want to know what joke offended him so?

A minister died and went to heaven.  While standing in line observing Saint Peter checking in arrivals into their new digs and giving out various mansions with a key, the minister was enthralled.  When he saw a bus driver who was in line directly in front of him get a 5-Star Mansion, he got excited!

Feeling entitled due to performing the Lord’s Work for forty years, he expected a top-of-the-line Mansion, fit for a king!  But, he only got a run-down shack!  He complained to St. Peter, asking why he only got a shanty when the bus driver got a mansion! “Well, sir,” St. Peter said, “while you were preaching, people were nodding off. While he was driving, people were wringing their hands in fervid prayer, asking that they would make it home safely.  You do the math.” 

I always did have a way of pissing off even the most patient of souls.  Frankly, I would have rather driven someone drunk on alcohol than drunk on ego.  Bit it takes ego to know ego, so I didn't argue with him.  As my Sponsor taught me, "Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk." 

Surviving Incredible Odds Makes Up Beautiful Beyond Description

As a young person, I used to run toward a train when it was coming toward the bridge. I would time it as closely as I could, but sometimes miscalculated the speed of the train.  A couple of times I didn't beat it, so had to cling to the large wooden tresses which bounced vigorously (no easy task holding on) as the train passed above me.

Anyway, I look back on that and think a part of me had a Death Wish. I constantly felt alone and hurt.  I only felt alive when I did things that were crazy. Glad I healed from that, but admit it took a long time.

Glad you are here, my friends, to care about people like me. Never give up, right? The world needs your (our) love. Others struggling need those of us who prevailed against those hard patches.  I believe those of us who make it through tough times become beautiful beyond description.

You've probably heard that the definition of a friend as someone who learns your song, so when you forget it, they can sing it back to you.  

Spiritual Freedom

Installation of Spirit is not necessary because we are all BORN with it. That we have forgotten who we seem to be at the crux of every problem. THAT'S the real issue at hand. But I hope there's hope at the end of the tunnel.  

Maybe we can AWAKEN that innate Inner Sense (not moral sense, for morals, they are transitory and manufactured). There can be a sudden, revolutionizing experience, one that raises one from the unconscious state to the conscious one.  

Only the Divine Spirit can reawaken the Divine Spark. If we come at one another with the spirit of separation, us/them unconsciousness, then we are doomed to become the oppressor of the oppressor.  WE BECOME THEM!

If we forget to believe in each other, we slam the door in the faces of our spiritual family. It is IMPOSSIBLE to oppress the free, for freedom is an INSIDE job. Taking out power back comes from within. Only then can we see the inside of others.

We rest in the web of deceit and imprisonment is to give ‘our’ power to hierarchies outside of ourselves.

To destroy a Police State with Love seems impossible, but Impossible is God's Favorite Word. If we walk on water, the only ones who can follow us...is us. We can shift the planet by realizing the planet is already shifted. But then, I might have been dropped on my head as a child, which might explain my belief in Love. LOL!

Burn it into the consciousness of every person, we can get well regardless of what has transpired or is transpiring in our personal or community lives.  No one gets well until everyone gets well.  One for all and all for one.  We may not all be in the same boat, but we’re all on the same ship.

The EDGE Magazine Published my Poem, FRIENDS

Here's my Facebook link to the poem:  <iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FQuantumCommunicationz%2Fposts%2F1373880449361819&width=500" width="500" height="501" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowTransparency="true"></iframe>

Comparative Mind/Competitive Mind & Good Enough

"If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me," said WH Auden.

A friend of mine reflected on the following and it gave me pause for thought, too:  

""Someone said to me...
..."you think you're so special - don't you"

I asked them...
..."what would you say to a child who asks you if they're special?""

If I grow up in a loving family, giving and receiving love, surrounded by love, then everything is unified and nothing is "special" or "less than". Love, only love.

My foster dad reminded me frequently that I was the "smartest idiot" he ever knew. I evicted the shame from my head, but the words remain just the same.  It's not what happens to us that matters so much as what we do with it.  

The comparative mind is difficult to dig up from the root, but really, even that's not necessary. No two roots are equal in the Sequoia Forrest. The way individual trees survive is through the root structure. The roots of surrounding trees intermingle with one another, which in the big picture 'holds up' the entire forest. We are in this together.

Einstein said either everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle.  Similarly, either no one is special or everyone is special. I am unique, just like everyone else.

A sense of entitlement might arise when we feed the ego, but we're all human and have an ego, so no use making a big deal about the defects it feeds. As my foster mom was fond of saying, 'don't throw the baby out with the bathwater'.

Feed everything with love;  forgive everything.  When I feed all of the parts of myself with LOVE, the defects I sometimes abhor actually get healthier (weaker defects). Many people believe loving the darker parts of ourselves is to give it approval and the weakness will grow, but, it grows peaceful and might even RIP some day. LOL! Love one another.

Simple, but not always easy, but always worth it.

Pushing Pawns Above & Beyond

When a pawn makes it to the opposite side of the board, traversing the ENTIRE board to the opposite side, the pawn is "Promoted" to whatever piece other than a King or another pawn. Usually such a promotion changes who wins and loses the game. Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory comes when we give up pushing our pawn to the opposite side of everything we think we know.

Why Chess?

The 'game' of chess has taught me lots about life. I encourage every child to learn this marvelous game. While there are a lot of people who play a better game than me, by the rating I had (I was B-Class, bordered A-Class) I am more accomplished than 98% of players. But what's more important, I connect the dots between the game and evolving to a more peaceful, patient lifestyle.

But some people are competitive and waste the opportunity to translate experience from a place of unified love. I am an intuitive player, not a logical one. When I lose a game, I am grateful, for losing teaches chess and winning maintains only what we already know. But when I lost because I don't care about winning, due to compassion for the other players' feeling, I wasted an opportunity there, too.

Learning to play with grace is an inside job, and it has nothing to do with winning or losing. Who am I to rip someone off of this opportunity to grow beyond losing (or winning)?

My boxing trainer said I will never be a good boxer because I don't have the "Killer Instinct," and the same applied to chess. He was a good chess teacher, too. Eventually, I beat him in chess more than he beat me. He didn't understand the real love of this beautiful, silent language called CHESS.

I would enjoy teaching young people to play chess and might start classes somewhere or maybe instruct one-on-one professionally. I think that would be fulfilling. Maybe someday.

Repetition is the Mother of all Learning. Be Not Weary. Fake It Until You Make It.

Repetition is the Mother of all Learning. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results might be insane, but it's also the definition of persistence. The hardest pushups are the Alpha & Omega pushups, the first and the last ones.

Be not weary. If we are tired, we are drawing from our own finite energy, rather than surrendering to the One who has all Power, which has been gifted to everyone and is always available, free for the taking.

The ego has a hard time believing nothing is wrong in life and would rather spend its days pretending to eat from the tree of the KNOWLEDGE of good and evil.

When something happens, some people complain, and say, "Oh, GREAT!" Others say, "GREAT!" or "Another wonderful opportunity for spiritual growth!"  

Don't just fake it.  Fake it until you make it.