Tourists of Bill & Lois

Do you ever felt like a tourist, like everything has a slightly surrealistic tone to it? After dealing with first Shingles which laid me down for a long, painful ordeal, then cancer, life seemed odd. Every time I went downtown, I felt like a tourist, there had been so many changes. I hadn’t driven for Uber for 14 months, so missing the daily drives kept me out of the loop on changes. So much now seems new.

I hadn’t been to a 12-Step meeting in a long while and even it seemed different with so many Newcomers; even the spirit of the place seemed almost foreign, again like I was a tourist.

Most of my friendships have changed, too, and I was humorously feeling like only Facebook was ‘real’ and I had become passé. Even writing poetry took a backseat, as did the most important service activity in my life, speaking, took a backseat.

As I evolved as any person would due to facing possible death, I quit tolerating B.S., like gossip and low-level slander, mean spirited stuff, throwing others under the proverbial bus to save their own face, etc. I did my best to address this stuff without being mean or resorting to the same type of misbehavior that I sought to address, but it made no observable difference. And that’s gotta be OK.

Ironically, there is a real difference to not liking a thing and not having a resentment over it. It is human to resent, but it is dangerous to a person in recovery to let a dislike take root. I can state a disdain without letting it take root and let it become a resentment. Addressing hypocrisy and ‘politics’ can be accomplished easily, but not being judged for it is another matter. I learned in the Friends of Lois organization that Friends of Bill rarely comprehend, that standing up for oneself is NOT being resentful. Friends of Bill lean toward blaming others for everything, so know they must avoid blame ‘like the plague’. Friends of Lois learn healthy boundaries and dispense with an over-inflated sense of responsibility for other people’s issues. Standing up for oneself appears selfish to many Friends of Bill, but it’s not selfish at all. I truly feel Bill and Lois both need to be in balance, but Friends of Lois tend to DETACH but leave out the WITH LOVE part. It takes time and patience in both disciplines to obtain balance between the two seeming polarities. Cooperation is an Art. If a Friend of Bill wants to learn to Sponsor a Fellow, then they have an Alcoholic in their lives, which is well addressed by the Friends of Lois.

Before judging, listen carefully to both sides. Think, THINK, Think.