People often make the mistake of believing the part of themselves, the GOOD part of themselves, is what hates the bad part of themselves, but the truth is contrary.
The part of ourselves that is uncomfortable with what we don't like actually keeps us TRAPPED within the PAYOFF of both hated and hater.
The loving part of ourselves is not ‘weak’; it is not 'signing off on' bad behavior in some sort of twisted permission thereof. It’s not cosigning that part of us that cries out for remedy.
The world is addicted to judgement. The pain we feel that is ‘justified’, shows up with a warrant and arrests us, so we turn around and put the cuffs on ourselves; we feel like we gave up on battling the bad part of ourselves by submitting to the police department inn our minds.
Self-loathing is a cunning, baffling and powerful condition that is itself willing to go to any lengths to keep us trapped. We feel the part that hates ourselves is the GOOD part and if we don't feed it, we think we are giving the BAD part permission to keep doing what we view as wrong.
I wish I could explain this better. Put another way, we tend to forget or not notice what people have done right when we experience what we think they did wrong. I have met thousands of people in my life and I absorbed most of what I sensed about them in the moment. I remember one day in a 12 Step meeting repeating the first name of every person who spoke and repeating what they said in a condensed fashion. I ONLY repeated the good intention parts of what I heard.
How can anyone live with the rationality of experiences as such, especially when they feel the blame of the damage they have experienced, rather than absorb the love they were born to live with?
Fortunately, no one can screw up what and who we are and no one can screw anyone else up, either, without their permission.
I had a bumper sticker on my car that I discovered in early recovery that read, SCREW GUILT. Only a self-saboteur who finally lets the love out or in will fathom the rich relief available in such a moment.
When my heart breaks, light shines out from the cracks. Sometimes the reverse is true, like Leonard Cohen said.
Much pain evolves either up or down, dependent upon the distance between what we are and what we THINK we should be.