A good friend got me to thinking this morning about the 5 Rules of how to NOT be “used”.
As we refocus our lives, we might swing wildly from extreme-to-extreme either to "make things right" or "not get f'd over again". When I was making amends in early sobriety, I not only apologized, I asked what the people that I f'd over wanted me to do to make it right.
Now, some people wanted me to put my body in an electric chair and I didn't honor their wishes. Forgiveness is my HP's Standard and therefore my standard, as well. Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of myself. But making amends gave me some peace, knowing I tried to make things right from my end. Knowing I 'did time' is also a relief, to some extent, though the damage of the Corruptional Facility and the people running it were pretty wounded and acted out frequently on their wounds.
But like people doing time, everyone is wounded and what we do with our wounds is what matters. Like Oprah said, "Make your wounds into wisdom."
You know, it makes a lot of sense to me that we do not confuse apologies for amends. The chronic repetition of apologies would drive ANYONE crazy after a while. Falling in love with potential ALONE doesn't go far enough, but I love seeing the potential in everything and everybody. I do my level best to love EVERYTHING in my life, even the f'd up parts because we all fall short in some area or other. But I see no future in getting blood from a turnip, either. Getting REAL requires help...higher help IMO...as I believe "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."
Yes, definitely believe all red flags, but know that the perception of red flags can also be damaged (again, an HP issue for clarity...I pray for my HP to direct my thinking and THEN I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM TO THINK ACCORDINGLY).
4: Know Your Worth was what took me the longest to get. Worth is an inside job, totally. A wise woman (Friend of Lois, Henrietta) told me to find out who I am and then be who I am. Her brief Elevator Speech turned into a life lesson for me (we were actually waiting for an elevator, actually, which is itself funny, ironically.
5: Don't lower your standards. I refer back to Henrietta again. It's imperative to 'adapt' to life on life's terms with all of its shifts and turns, but I used to be a friggin chameleon. If someone was unhappy with me, I would change ME (or tried to, usually unsuccessfully) to accommodate THEIR perceived interests or demands. This made me sick, really sick. I sometimes think I was trained this way from birth, so I had to REBIRTH myself (with miraculous help, I might add).