“A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Rename your pain. Love it. See what happens. We all need love, right? If you're going to feed the Dark Side, feed it Love. See its Beauty. Your life belongs to God, not you, though we have the choice to think otherwise. There's no such thing as reality; there's only perception.
'You can run, but you can't hide' from yourself. Looking on history as I do, I pause to believe that only a few Great Souls knew what they were doing, as they were so connected to Spirit that they could raise up others. Most of us, maybe none of us, know what the F we are doing, but we still make choices in the midst of mystery. I've come to believe that MYSTERY is a beautiful place because it allows for complete Trust.
Goethe pointed out that the most secure prison is the one we create for ourselves and don't know we are in. For me, prisons were my Monastery. I saw miracles both there and in the so-called Free World. I've heard credible reports that miracles occur for both rich and poor, the free and the slave, for every race of human and for animals. It is written, in the Household of Christ, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female..." No one gets to be special or degraded; all distinctions are done away, as either helping or hindering. But freeing one's mind from the addiction to judgment of others or self is tricky. But I say, SCREW GUILT. FORGIVE EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING.
Choice never changes. Choices seem limited to the limited mind, only. Emily Dickinson said, "Dwell in possibility." I doubt her life was a bed of roses and if it was, maybe she was allergic to roses.
"I was framed" is a song many prisoners sing after pleading guilty to an offense. It's not a useless victim mentality, for everything, including our bad choices, is part of our sacred path. We have all fallen short of what we want to do or be. Any idea that ends with a question mark reveals the true essence of freedom for growth. What has happened to us in life matters not so much as what we do with it, right?