Messengers and Messages

We all grow up and are always growing up, I suppose.  Kinda like recovered/recovering.  But what messages have you heard that either empowered you to rise above your difficulties and what messages have you heard to the contrary, and what do you do with these messages?  

You ever have one of those periods where you realize you are not worth a shit to yourself or anyone else?  I have heard that many times in my life.  I've also heard that I've done nothing but destroy lives.  I believe it sometimes, today being one of those times.  I have asked many an audience to tell at least three people a day that they love them, but best that I can tell, no one has done it.  That's OK because the message was delivered, even if the courage to carry it out was lacking.  

So today I feel like my life has amounted to nothing good.  People buy my book out of sympathy at best, while most ignore the message.  I'm just the messenger, but I'm also just human with a long history of being talked down to, verbally abuse and the people I love being dishonest with me, even though I am totally OK with loving them regardless of their shortcomings.  I believe most dishonest is not dishonest (sounds contradictory) but is rather an act of distrust.  I put my heart out there through poetry, Blogging, speaking, doing acts of kindness when I can, yet feel my life is hopeless.  No one will ever love me.  I'm too broken or something, I don't know.  

So if anyone reads this, please don't say anything on Facebook to comfort me.  I figure no one reads my Blog, anyway, so I don't need to say this, but on the random chance God inspires someone to read this, I ask that you PM or text me rather than say anything on Facebook.  I've asked God for wisdom and strength, whatever that means.  I'm still here for a reason.

I put two lidocaine patches on and am going to go drive if I can handle it.